Improving Your Likability
By this point in your life you probably know how well you are socially, whether you are a talker, listener, introvert, extrovert. Did you have trouble making friends early on in your life? Or expressing yourself in front of others, holding a good conversation, approaching a group of people, getting a boyfriend/girlfriend? If any of these resonate with you, you know it all too well.
These are skills that don’t come naturally for a lot of people and you’re not likely to get any better unless you practice. But how do you practice social skills? You practice them everyday. Think about someone in your life that is easy to talk to. Do you consider them charismatic? Chances are that you do. Imagine now that conversation comes as well for you as it does for them. Do you think you’d be as anxious in a social gatherings as you are now? The freedom that this would allow could lift a lot of social burdens. Here are a few tips to help you understand what it takes to be a person that flows through life socially:
1. Body Language – This list could start and end here. Look in the mirror, how do you perceive yourself? Happy? Couldn’t care less? This same look that you’re projecting to yourself projects to everyone else around you. Walk into a room full of strangers and it’s easy for you to pick out who would be the easiest to talk to. The people that are smiling are the ones that make you feel warm and welcome. When you meet someone, smile at them. Make them feel warm and greeted as you converse for the very first time. Looking uninterested, whether intentional or not, will give the opposite feeling. Be conscious of how your body language is attracting or repelling the people that you meet.
2. Be the ice breaker – Do you want to have an interesting conversation with someone? Go start one! Being the person in the room who starts the conversation draws people in because chances are that they’re just as nervous as you are. Others will get more comfortable with you if you’re playing ‘host’. You’ll appear confident even if you’re the most nervous person in the room. Once things get going, those around you can grow the conversation, but be the ice breaker to get it started.
3. Laugh at their jokes – Want people to let their guard down around you? Be sure to laugh when they tell a joke. Have you ever tried to be funny, only to be met with blank stares and sarcastic comments? It’s definitely not a great feeling and can really kill your self esteem. Make an effort to acknowledge someone’s humor attempts (granted they’re not being inappropriate) and laugh when they tell their joke. They’re looking for positive feedback and seeing you laugh will make them appreciate you for not leaving them out to dry in a large group of people.
4. Compliment them – Try this experiment: walk by someone and pause for a brief second and pay them a compliment on something they’re wearing or doing. Don’t hang around for a response, just continue on your way. Did you see their reaction? 100% of the time they will smile and say thank you. Subconciously, they will feel appreciated that you noticed something nice about them. Paying compliments is a great way to remove any reservations someone may have about you, even if your body language is not warm and open. It is similar to doing a favor or giving a gift without notice – they’ll feel a need to do something nice in return. By saying something nice about someone, that need to return the favor will be met by them liking you.
5. Be carefree – Do you notice the people who seem to always have the best stories? Many of them radiate a carefree attitude that is infectious and fun. This is something to take note on. People who exemplify this mindset have an easier time conversing because they are acting within themselves. This isn’t to say you need to say whatever’s on your mind at all times, but rather to stop worrying about how you look, sound, or come off to others and just go for it when around other people. Less worrying, more doing – people like being around people who can be themselves.
